BLOG #6 "Awareness, Action, & Observation"
Friday, April 17th
There are times when I am mid action and my mind, though entirely aware of what I'm doing, does not attempt to apply language to it. Without an internal dialogue I apply myself completely to a task where no one is there to judge me and I forbid judgements of myself. In those moments thoughts arise that articulate the scene because my mind can only stay silent for so long. After a while I become aware of the things I'm saying in my head. I notice the precision, the solid judgement of what's Infront of me. My calculations are precise, and before I know it I shift from observing my thoughts and experience to becoming aware of the synergy between who I am and what I'm doing. A mind that was only aware of content becomes aware of the structure that supports it. At first I was communicating to describe what already was. And that language turns against me when I express to myself that I am performing well and ask myself why.
There is a fundamental difference in the types of thoughts in my mind. It is natural for the mind to voice a moment - to allow the mind to partake in the physical world through a simple dialogue. I cannot say the same for my inquisitive nature. Asking why is never directed at the object in question. The arrow points at the invisible force that quietly supports reality. It has become my nature to observe the world and ask myself why does this action perform this way? And this very habit is responsible for the millions of apparent fragments of my vision. It is the observation of structure that breaks fluidity in it. Existence vs awareness of existence to be exact.
There is something to learn from this. I know now that the conscious thoughts in my head or even the words I speak can only birth pieces of the whole. Everything is an attempt to apply a valid description to an action. But no matter how hard I try something is always left out. If I want to talk about the trees, I must talk about the branches. If I talk about the branches I must talk about the leaves. If I talk about the leaves I must talk about the fruit the trees bare. and how could I talk about fruit without talking about the different type of trees. Descriptions are always in lack, and coincidently the only way to articulate something clearly is to isolate a system so much that I ignore everything else that supports it. Though the tree both says nothing, and encompasses the entire story.
This very idea is perhaps only a thin slice of what I'm actually trying to say. In all its glory, actions speak louder than words. Because actions leave out nothing, communicate clearly and leave no room for interpretation. So from now on when I speak, I will know that I have cut a piece of an action so small that the wind may ignore it. But when I lift my hand to knock down the wall, the wind will tell the wall about me, as the wall falls it will tell the ground about me, the rocks will scream my name to the dirt as they crumble and the dirt will make sure everyone knows about my deeds as it spreads to the ends of a vibrating earth that sends its frequency to the stars. That is language that carries on forever. A voice to be reckoned with.
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